Haiti

Touched down today at 12 noon, on the second commercial flight to land. I was meant to be here earlier, but many flights scheduled for today cancelled or made dramatic changes to departure time–my originally scheduled flight actually left 2 hours early! So, I missed it. Thankfully I found a seat on American Airlines. I have one thing to say after landing at the badly damaged international airport: Bless the US Air Force. Our arrival was very smooth, from circling while we waited for clearance, to being guided into the crowded airport to find a disembarkation place, and—for the first time in 12 years of landing here, a jet way met our plane! Despite the obvious destruction to the airport, we were led through a spotlessly clean, fresh brand new partial airport complete with signs in Kreyol and English, someone to guide us, an escalator, friendly USAF service members, the …

I arrived here yesterday to catch my flight home today. I envisioned relaxing at the pool before I returned to emails and my report. I sat by the pool but didn’t relax; there is way too much energy vibrating my body. Even though its the same pool I sat by before I went into Port au Prince, I was more aware of the large cement building right beside me—and what that might look like if it fell down. I’ve seen earthquake damage before, but not so recent. I am just now assimilating how vast the damage in Haiti is; that most of the buildings that have dotted that mountainous terrain, made the city a familiar place for me, are gone. Perception is such a subtle but profound influence on our view of, seeing of, understanding of, the world. It adds depth to meaning. It changes meaning. The demand for mental …

Just packed after a long day of what was meant to be writing, but ended up being many more sessions. Its humbling to be approached by so many people who do not usually access psychology; to sit with drivers, groundskeepers, cooks, managers, community organizers, accountants, and others who are willing to open up about things raw and frightening and distressing and very, very human. They are burning a lot now–trash, bodies, debris. Everyone of us coughs with a little wheeze. I walked again, today, with 4 beautiful prayer ties made by dear friends in Santa Fe. Found an elder mango tree, an old and earthquake fallen deciduous tree, a vibrant pink flowering tree, and a banana tree. Last night the woman who cooks and cares for my friends home and I lit the sweetgrass and sage and placed the first prayer tie on their land; today I placed them around …

Its the morning of my 10th day here. I depart tomorrow for the DR and a week + at home, to return here next week. I am noticing a strong pull not to go. Some of the people I have been working with cried when I told them I had to go home and tend to things there for a few days. “But when you’re here we can talk, we can let these things out, we can say whatever we want to say.” I am not fond of generalizing, and, having worked in community mental health here for many years, I have never heard so many heartfelt requests for “psychology” or “ti conse” (a little counseling). Haitians are resilient; they are accustomed to extreme challenges and to not only “mache” (moving on”), but laughing, dancing, finding the grace to accept big hardships. This time, the fear is overwhelming. We had …

Today I awoke early enough to meditate, and found myself holding my heart and crying. The pool of sadness is deep, deep, deep. We were encouraged yesterday by the emergency response logistics coordinator–who is an amazing person to have around–to walk around the neighborhood (we are near the Hotel Montana). We began a new project today with the local neighborhood–they formed a committee and are cleaning up the smaller debris which has blocked the road. I walked through the hot, dusty, stinky clean-up and whenever I spoke with someone and commented on the challenge of this work, they replied “nou oblige.” “We are obliged.” I have heard this many times–this is our home, our heart. We are here and we have work to do. Kembe la. We stand, we are strong, we endure. I walked to the Hotel Montana and, convinced I had taken a wrong turn (despite my having …

The internet connection is still spotty. I have begun exploring the area where I am working and there are still places where the smell of death permeates my nose. I believe there will be 1/2 million people dead–some never accounted for. How many restavek children or elder Marchan w/o a home or w/o people just disappeared? I have heard some strong evidence of resiliency and of spirit. In some communities, 45-100 families are all sleeping outside in a shared space, taking turns buying food for all, cooking, providing security. Those who still have jobs give more. I met several mental health professionals yesterday who came to a meeting I convened to begin to identify local resources for the many requests I receive for “trauma counseling”. They sat through the meeting and asked if I could meet with them afterwards. They asked if I could “evaluate them” to see how much …

The internet was down last night so I was unable to blog. It sounds like air traffic is increasing—helicopters, big planes, little planes, all day and perhaps through the night. Haiti used to be receive such infrequent air traffic, all I heard was song, voices, birds, drumming, breezes, dogs and roosters. I drove through the city today and the destruction is unfathomable. Strange, eerie, surreal images of a once poor but bustling city—-a bust and a random office chair still standing in front of a crumbled Ministry of Justice. A person searching through papers scattered in the dust of a former office building, looking for????? Maybe someone he loved worked there; perhaps there is a trace. I met a friend of many years today and she is almost transparent with shock and grief. Both her parents and in laws lost everything; 3 family members died, many friends and colleagues gone, …

Today I met with several local NGO’s here, who have the responsibility (with little resource) to coordinate the health and mental health responses in Haiti. Without a government, without buildings and infrastructure, with ongoing after shocks and an exodus of Haiti’s people, these local programs are heavily burdened and poorly supported. While the response and support of the international community is needed and important, it will not go on long enough. It never does. Each player, each NGO or government or country, chooses their territory and even with the best intentions, the agendas that often direct the work do not reflect the hearts, needs and spirit of the people. Haiti’s future must be directed by the Haitian people. Yes, they will benefit from funds, training, expertise, and the support of the rest of the world, but the restoration of their home has to be their own work. Each story I …

Today, many many requests came in for “counseling” or “psychological” help. Organizations, individuals, friends of friends, colleagues co-workers. This is not a common request in Haiti–this is a measure of how deep the loss drives into hearts and minds here One example–a woman who lost her husband and 2 of 3 children and is self-described as “grieving intensely” and “trying to comprehend”—and is looking for counseling for a young man who was mentored by her husband because he spent 15 hours buried in rubble and “heard the screams and last words of my husband and children.” Comprehend? Its impossible. I spend each moment riding a wave that alternates its crest at despair and hope. Each drive to and from a place shows me yet more concrete that has suffocated the life out of more people than will ever be known. My gut guess–1/2 million gone. And, we’ll never know, nor …

After one of the more challenging travel days in my life (a delayed flight and a re-route, a cancelled flight and a re-route that I barely made, an aborted landing to avoid another plane on the runaway, a very late arrival, no bags and no-one to meet me due to all the travel changes) –I’m here. Port au Prince, a city I consider a home-away-from-home, has crumbled in so many places. We were not able to drive through the most devastated areas of the city, because those roads are still blocked–so we were spared some of the shocking horror that the news has shown. The effect on me to see so many familiar buildings mangled and fallen, and tent cities dotting the way from the UN compound to Petionville, is heavy—-a heaviness that fills my heart in a very new and unknown way. As I spend more time here I’m …