2010-2015

Just came from Hotel Oluffson where RAM was warming up for their weekly Thursday night fet. Its very, very hopeful to hear that very familiar music again–music that carries Haiti’s root rhythms—in the very same place, same day, same time, as has happened for years. The NGO Staff Support Working Group that has been meeting monthly since January had requested that this months meeting be a self-care (practical) training. Today we spent a day at Management Sciences for Health, in a brand new, cool and comfortable conference room, where I provided this training. It was amazing–another splash of hope. We worked together (particularly MSH’s lovely HR Director, Joelle Larco) to make this workshop happen for as many psychologists, medical professionals, HR folks and others (who are over-extended, tired, and generally spent) as possible. I think it would be a boring read for me to review the workshop; its sufficient to …

Have been in Cap Haitien to connect with my Lakou (community) and take a friend to Plan du Nord for the annual pilgrimage to honor Ogou. Plan du Nord is the site of mud baths in a river whose origin is in the mountains above Cap Haitien—I have heard the origin of the river is near the dwelling place of Ogou. This dwelling place sits below the Citdaelle, Haiti’s majestic fortress that was built between 1805 and 1820 to protect the newly liberated nation. I have visited Plan du Nord (google this for more information) each year since 2005, sometimes at a time other than the fet (festival) which takes place during the time of Ogou (St. Jacques) July 23-25 every year. It is always packed. This year, sadly, there were not nearly enough people as is usual, except at the actual baths–where it seemed more crowded and more difficult …

Today we finished a three day “Psychological First Aid” (PFA) training with the Uramel Psychotrauma center. We is myself and Dr. Melissa Brymer of UCLA/NCTSN, a colleague and friend, who is one of the those who originally operationalized Psychological First Aid, a concept that originated in the forties (or fifties?). Melissa was one of the very first people to reach out to me after January 12th, and her support has been invaluable for my work here, and for my own heart. I began promoting the idea of this training shortly after the earthquake, to both Melissa and to my beloved colleagues at The Uramel Psychotrauma Center. Having first trained with Melissa, through NCTSN, many years ago, I knew the value of this work in the immediacy of a disaster. In the first three months after the earthquake, I provided over 350 individual PFA sessions and 20 something group sessions. It …

As I write this blog I am also preparing to board my plane for the first leg of a three flight journey home. I have not written this trip, both because it was short, and also because internet was down most of the time. But there is another reason—the nature of this trip was quite different from others. I did not do much individual work with local people. When I returned to Haiti this time, there was a shift—a “quieting” is the only way I can describe it—amongst those I usually work with. Most of my work this time was programmatic; however, I arrived to find that while many Haitians were certainly still dealing with stress, trauma, loss and grief, they were quite busy in the remaking of their lives. The expatriate community, on the other hand—humanitarian workers, many of whom have been there since January—was unraveling. After a requested …

The night I arrived, I dreamed the earth was moving–I kept waking up from a dream that felt like I was trapped in a square space that could not stop shaking. The night before I arrived I dreamed of many women dressed in white, wearing white moshwa, preparing for ceremony. Haiti feels different. I’ll write bluntly: there are way too many foreigners here. Once again, Haiti is being parceled out to various interests—some for profit; some not for profit, and I feel the trampling of sacred ground by 1000’s of hooves. Greedy hooves. Local friends are losing jobs to foreigners–“experts”, arriving to Haiti for the first time. Doctors closing practices and leaving the country because there is too much free medical care here. Reports that things are not improving, and the inevitable “WHY–there is so much money pouring in here?” Why? Because many of the people here weren’t invited, have …

I have just returned home and went to my favorite yoga class today. Our luminous teacher shared some words she woke up with, following a night of rich dreams: HOPE IS A HERO She went on to describe how all the tulips planted at her mesa-top home had survived a long day and night of fierce winds. Perhaps, she speculated, the petals gather in and relax–versus cling—and that is how they hold on. The image reminds me of Haiti — of her people. Of the communities still gathered to support one another to live outside, to live through the rains, to cook, sleep, protect their children. Kampe–stand up—Kenbe—hang on. Hang on with strength and grace. I remembered three more stories I’ll share in closing this trips blog. One of the woman I counseled on Wednesday described herself as having accepted the situation. After a month or so of fear, sadness, …

Today is my last day on this trip. I’ll have a little more rest between this trip and the next. Its time. I have spent the past 2 days working with groups of vibrant young people who work with a local cell phone company. Most of my work is large group informational sessions on stress, trauma, support, coping etc. I am also providing “ti konsays” (little consults) on an as needed basis. I don’t have as much time with this group, so I am limited to consults vs. more therapeutic work. One young man, in his introduction, began to describe his current “symptoms” (shaking, pervasive fear, high stress levels, distraction) and said he had frozen when the earthquake happened. He said this before I talked about the nervous system, fight-flight freeze reactions,etc. He was one of the first to wait and meet with me. As he described his “symptoms” it …

Last night, we danced. The place where I danced at least 2 times a week when I lived here in 2004 resumed classes for the first time since the earthquake. We had a gathering last week–a free master class for the community to gather and dance–and last night a new season of dance began. Several weeks ago I was listening to ManShoun, my Spiritual Mother, while contemplating the future of Haiti. She made something exceedingly clear to me: Listen. My instructions were to make sure there are as many drums beating, feet and bodies dancing, as possible between July 15 and August 15 (August 14 is Fet Bwa Kayman). We are to listen for the very first drum beat–the beat of Haiti’s true heart. I understand this instruction from the perspective of fractal mathematics: Find the source, the original variable, that initiated the birth of Ayiti. And play-beat-dance-sing-move-breathe-live this source-of-rhythm …

I am still blogging a lot less, because days are very very full. In the past 24 hours there have been 3 aftershocks that get everyone’s attention–today I was literally jumping down from a stair into our HR office and next thing I knew, everyone was outside, panicking and making phone calls. I hadn’t felt it because I was “airborne”, but it shook people up. A lot. Last night, a 4.6 woke me up–I felt as if someone had literally slammed the bed up and down. People are really wearing thin. Today even the “toughest” of people said I DON’T WANT TO FEEL ANOTHER SHAKE. Our staff support team circulated, making sure everyone was ok. Giving people a chance to breathe, shake it off, sound, talk–whatever. Rumors of ANOTHER abound and so, despite the widely shared fact that each “sekus” represents a release in the earth’s tension, its impossible for …

I arrived very early yesterday and am once again, am struck by the flood of “etranje” who have invaded Ayiti. Between these trips, I have found myself feeling great concern that Ayiti will be trampled underneath the well-meaning–and, sometimes not-so-well-meaning–inundation of outsiders who position themselves as experts, despite many (most, perhaps) having no previous experience in this complex cultural and cosmological context. I almost wish someone would stand at the airport with a sign that says: THANKS–BUT NO THANKS. PLEASE GO HOME UNLESS WE INVITED YOU. There is no monitoring or control process here; I recall Rwanda where all NGO’s wanting to operate went through a vigorous approval by the then controlling RFP; or Kosovo, where after several significant blunders by NGO’s, stricter entry and control measures were established. Ayiti needs this. Apparently much of the control has been signed over. If this is true, it will simply mean another …